My View on Cuckolding and D/S In General

I’ve seen a lot on Femdom sites about “cuckolding”.

Cuckolding is the act or condition, wherein the main man does not get intercourse from his wife or girlfriend, and instead she chooses a different man, who is usually well-endowed, with which to have sex. She teases her husband about this, and he quite often is required to prepare her for a date, or even accompany her in the sexual tryst. Her husband – a submissive man – is supposed to like this, or like the humiliation of it. There are no lack of sites about this, and no lack of stories about this activity. I do find the stories strangely erotic and compelling. But when I try to imagine myself in this situation, I always go cold.

Now, I consider myself a submissive husband, but in the Knight vs. Queen aspect. That is, Her Majesty the Queen does indeed need her Knight, and her Knight is her loyal subject. But he is her special subject. The Three Musketeers belong to the Queen of France, but the relationship is mutual.

That means that for me, I am submissive BUT I need to be the source of sexual pleasure for my wife. I don’t want anyone else to be the source of sexual pleasure for my wife. I’m willing to do many things for my wife to give her sexual pleasure, whether it be vanilla romantic gestures (nice restaurant, ice cream, flowers, a good hug, a good listener, a good book), to more submissive gestures (a foot rub, giving her a bath, pedicure/manicure), financial (give her all my money),  to sexual gestures (I’m a good kisser, oral sex, annilingus, breast play), to BDSM-type activities (I’ll let her tie me down and whip me, chastity play, removal of hair, intense bondage, golden showers, etc.), to very intense things (branding, removal of organs, etc.).

BUT I would draw the line at her getting any sexual pleasure from another man, especially if I’m out of the loop. I just don’t understand it that other guys like this.

Now, if I were to be OK with this, the only thing I *might* be willing to do would allow her to be a type of “hot wife”, who does have other men, but I would have to be involved, and I would have to be the main man. I would not agree to her going out on her own. I might be OK if she were to get involved with another woman, but certainly not another man. And certainly not if she were to leave me. I would be devastated.

Is that “un” submissive of me? Is that selfish? Maybe it is. But you know, even in the D/S dynamic, I think both partners need to get something out of it. The Dom/me needs to call the shots, but in my opinion, the Sub needs to be valued and cherished, and get recognition that the Dom/me wants the Sub to submit, and that the Dom/me likes this submission. The Dom/me should “get off” on the Sub submitting.

So, OK, I’ll submit gladly, but I need feedback, Ma’am, otherwise all I’m doing is virtual masturbating – I’m all alone, and what’s the point in that? I need to serve a person, and I need to know that the person likes it. You can compare the D/S dynamic to owning a dog. The dog is valued, you love the dog. The dog gives you attention and gratitude, the dog is a watchdog and protects you, but you take care of the dog, you pet the dog, you say “good boy”. You don’t abandon the dog. You don’t humiliate the dog, you don’t consider the dog to be a “worm” or worthless. So too, a Submissive. Heck, some Subs literally like to be collared and taken for a walk (me, too, btw). You can also compare the dynamic to an Employer/Employee relationship. The Employer is the Boss, makes the decisions. But the Employee is there under his/her own free will, and freely “submits” to the decisions of the Boss. The Employee has certain tasks that he/she needs to do, and in return the Boss gives something to the Employee. In this case, it’s money, but in the case of a D/S relationship between two people, it’s love, recognition, sensuality, sexuality, and sex (to the extent of the definition of the relationship).

There is no humiliation involved here. There can’t be humiliation involved here, it’s impossible. As far as I’m concerned, if my wife were to tell me “you know, it would be soooooo hot were you to take a walk with me naked” or some such craziness, I would do it, and not be humiliated at all. “Why are you doing that?” people ask. “Well, my wife likes it when I do this.” So, presto! It’s alluvasudden “vanilla”.  Of course, my wife would never ask me to take a walk with her naked, but she has put, say, tampons on the shopping list. So, I get tampons. I have read stories where the husband is “humiliated” when buying tampons, and I say WTF?! Your wife asked you to get some, then get some, what’s the big deal?

So, with a cuckold or hotwife relationship, if it’s the wife that wants it (it usually is not), then if it’s within the definition of the relationship, there cannot be any humiliation involved. Say, a husband has a wife who says that he’s a great guy, provides for her, gives good oral sex (for example), and is even a great lay most of the time, but now and then she needs a taller guy with a large member. This submissive husband is then like an employee who takes care of the shop, but now and then the manager of the shop needs to bring in a specialist to, say, do deliveries, or add a room to the plant. Something like that. Or even in a pure cuckold relationship, it’s like an employee whose job definition has changed with the times. He used to do the books, but now it’s automated, or now it’s more efficient for him to design the production line as opposed to actually working on the production line. Is that humiliating? Certainly not! Same with a cuckold/or hotwife relationship. At least as far as I can see. So I don’t get the “humiliation” of it.

But again, for us, we are monogamous, so this is out of bounds for us.