Doing Her Kink, Not Mine

This post was inspired by a post by Mistress Lilyanna (No Gay Hand Job Porn).

The point here is that a submissive is to do the kink or activity of the dominant. That's the sub's true kink. To be controlled and at the mercy of his/her Dom/me. And in fact, this is what gets me off.

It's like this with M'Lady, and it's also like this with a new person with whom I have webcammed.

With M'Lady, I love giving her oral sex and annilingus. At one point she said "but you like doing that", and I said "well, I like it because YOU like it so much. Think about the action. Would any person want to do that for no good reason? It's not exactly the most pleasant or sanitary activity, no matter how clean the body is. I do it for you, sweety". And she was quiet and seemed to think about it. My hint was that I like doing sexual things for her, and the fact that she gets off, gets ME off. In my opinion, it's the natural attitude for any man, submissive or dominant.

My new webcam friend likes to watch men desparate to pee. The more they squirm around, the better. Women too, apparently. She almost never gives permission, and also gets off on the guy peeing in his pants.

Well, for me, this is not a turn on. Not being the desparate guy, nor watching a desparate woman. In fact, it's rather uncomfortable. Who would want to hold it in? I mean, seriously. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Especially a guy. Find a bush, let 'er rip, and get back to business, just be careful not to eat yellow snow.

BUT because my webcam friend gets off on it, and because she tells me what to do (take off the shirt, then the pants, then the rest, at HER rate), THAT is a turn-on. It is similar to M. Lilyanna's forced-bi, albeit with something a bit more benign. It also helps a lot that she likes to watch a guy masturbate. No complaints from me about that one.

In one session with my webcam friend, I kind of suggested that we experiment with anal sexual activity. Now, being webcam, I've got to do the action. So, I took out some rather thin dildoes, and started in on it. Of course, it was guided by her. But this was *my* kink, not her kink. Or so I thought. Turns out it was nobody's kink. She was not really interested in it, and in the end (pun intended), all it did for me was to give me a big pain in the ass. The aspect that interests me about being on the receiving end of anal sex is that it's kind of a role reversal. The woman is now penetrating me. BUT if she is not interested in it, then she's not going to get turned on by it. And since physically for me it isn't exciting (it's only exciting psychologically), then if my partner doesn't like it, it's a bust.

So, if I'm with a Domme partner, I get off on doing HER kink, not my kink. In fact, that IS my kink. My kink is being controlled by her, having her tell me what she wants, and doing it.

Mistress Lilyanna pointed out one thing that I take issue with, though. She is of the opinion that her sub should NOT want to do what she is forcing him to do. She had mentioned that she has a new sub who had a previous Domme who was training him to like gay porn. But M. Lilyanna didn't want that, she wants her sub to *not* like forced-bi, otherwise it's not forced. She wants him to do it for HER, not because he likes it. You know what, I hear. She has a point, and a very good one, in fact. I also get off on my Domme forcing me to do something that I wouldn't otherwise do. It's a powerful indication of control.

But I'm not bothered by the fact that both parties like doing something. For instance, with my webcam friend, she likes to look at men masturbating. She likes it when the guys begs her to let him start. For the record, I, like most men, also like to masturbate. Ah, but my webcam friend throws a curve into play. She lets me start, then says "stop, don't touch your penis" (she uses only clinical words). And *that* is something I woudn't normally do. So, here we have something that the Sub likes, and the Domme likes, but it's on the Domme's terms. Maybe that's the key. The fact that I like it, is fine with my webcam friend, she enjoys watching me enjoy it.

But it's on her terms.

And that what makes it D/S, in my opinion

Nine Levels of Submission

I’ve seen this questionnaire on several sites, and I like it, so I’m re-posting it here.

Personally, I think I'm Level 5, but My Lady could push me to Level 7, maybe even Level 8.

The 9 Levels Of Submission:

1. The outright non-submissive masochist or Kinky Sensualist:

Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/_topped by one's own bodily sensations rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).

2. Pseudo-submissive non-slave:

Not into even playing "slave," but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestitism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.

3. Pseudo-submissive play slave:

Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

4. True submissive non-slave:

Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his _top satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek _toply her/his own direct/ pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure _toply from pleasing the dominant).

5. True submissive play slave:

Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets _top satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.

6. Uncommitted short-term but more than play semi-slave:

Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full- time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve.

7. Part-Time consensual - but real slave:

Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave's free time.

8. Full-Time live-in consensual slave:

Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.

9. Consensual Total Slave with NO Limits:

A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim.

What level are you?

If you are dominant, what level do you want your submissive to be?